A Few March Moments

It seems like the month of March has been swallowed up by some rather frenetic nesting instincts.  I once gave birth four weeks early, and since then the penultimate month of every pregnancy has drawn out a certain panic in my already hyper-hormonal mind that still another early arrival is going to happen.  Someday I am planning to learn how to use those cutting machines in the garage and figure out which tools work for what jobs, but since that day is yet to come, my poor husband has had to bear the brunt of my rabid preparations as I have heaped task upon task to my list of things-I-can't-do-by-myself.  [Side bar: my man is going to cringe at my use of the term "cutting machines"...sorry, honey!]  My primary goal has been to get Emery's new room ready for him to move in to, including the transition from crib to bed.  Because he is still so young (he will only be 23 months when baby brother comes), I was certain that this would be a formidable undertaking and would thereby require several weeks for him to reach big-boy-bed equanimity.  I had initially hoped to have the room ready by March 1st.  This goal was not fully embraced by all project participants, so the date came and went.  Throw in a few sick days, a monster MBA presentation, and a few more real life delays, and you get a room completed two weeks later than planned.  

But it is done!

And would you know it?  Everything is okay.  Because after all this consternation over my child's inevitable emotional trauma of being kicked out of his nursery and the comforts of his crib before his 24th month, he loves his new room! And he has had exactly zero problems sleeping in his new bed! Nap time has taken a bit more effort to reach full compliance, but as far as transitions go this has been as docile as a mom could ask for.  

And I couldn't feel more relieved:).  

Because the truth is, I have been a little scared about adding a #5. This bed transition thing has merely served as a sort of catalyst of all the stress and self doubt I have been experiencing these last few months.  Can I really do this?  Can I give enough time, enough love, enough of myself to five...scratch that...SIX human beings?  Sometimes I just don't feel as though I have what it takes.  


In fact, I know that I don't.


What I do have, however, is a little something called grace.  How humbled, how grateful, how indebted I am to the grace of a loving God who gives me that extra love, strength, and capacity to be enough.  


"My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.

He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh...He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me.

Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time.

And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me.

And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been carried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them.

O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions..?

...Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation."

(2 Nephi 4:20-30)


My small mind is so finite. I don't comprehend how it all works. But somehow with each child that comes into my care, the love I am able to feel for that child and the love I am able to give him is magnified.  Amazingly, this also holds true for the children I already have. In some remarkable way, my love for them is also amplified.  It's a little like Christ's miracle of the loaves and fishes.   As more and more people were fed, the amount of food grew exponentially.  Likewise, the love I give to and have for all my children is increased exponentially with each new spirit born to me.  


What a gift.  


Thankfully, I wasn't so distracted these last few weeks by the busyness of baby prepping that I failed to enjoy or notice some of the more breathable and encouraging moments of the month. 

Here is a quick sampling of some of the love flashes I have experienced with the boys this month:



#1. Piano recital (Ashton and Talmage)

Few feelings compare to what I experience when soaking in my boys' piano recital performances.

They are not musical phenoms, but their willingness to try their best and perform...alone, with all those people watching...is always pure happiness to my soul.  

Mistakes were made.  

In the case of sweet Talmage, red-ear inducing moments of disoriented silence and anxiety happened.  

But he recovered:).

And I loved every second of it all. 

(I just love that face.  So priceless!)

 Awesome, supportive grandparents, who don't hear/remember mistakes of any kind:). 

#2. Talmage randomly deciding to help me cook dinner one evening.

We made a dish he learned for his Foods Unit at school...homemade hot pockets:).  Just the right amount of fancy for these hungry tummies.

#3. Little Hoopsters clinic with Joseph.  

Cutest. Thing. Ever.

#4. Emery's long anticipated (and dreaded) haircut.

Thank goodness for suckers.

And more suckers.

I just can't believe this little nugget will be two in just a few short weeks.  And that he won't be the youngest! He is going to be Mr. Big Brother and I just can't wrap my mind around it.  

But it is happening.  Ready or not:).